Oh The Joys Of Being A Married Man
by TessHardingfan
Summary: The guys from Roswell find that married life is sometimes not all it's cracked up to be.Also with a little more happy ending than the show gave us.A/I,M/M,K/T and maybe M/L and Sean/Serena in the future.
1. Chapter 1

Title-Oh The Joys Of Being A Married Man

Disclaimer-Own no part of Roswell and make no money from any of this.

A/N-I wrote this for a Roswell fandom board many years ago under a different name...killjoy...sadly killjoy is taken on this board so I had to come up with a different name.So far I have three parts to this.I can't do Max/Liz so I might not never get to them.But I'll post Alex/Isabel,Michael/Maria and Kyle/Tess for sure.

Chapter One

"Whitman you are the man!" Michael shook his head in envy after he and Max had helped their brother in law carry his new TV into the house and set it up "This is one huge bitching TV!"

Alex puffed his chest out in guy pride and smiled as he and the guys checked out his new plasma TV.

"Oh yeah it was the biggest one Best Buy had to offer. Seventy-two inches with the all-new Mitsubishi digital light engine.Not to mention it has a multi-format memory card reader for viewing digital photos and portable digital audio playback...(this spot is filled with a whole lot of techno babble that most of us guys don't really understand.But when some other guy who does talks about it,we just nod our heads and grunt like we understand what the hell their saying...it's just a guy thing so go with it)

Max had his head buried in the tv's old cardboard box throwing out plastic and foam packing "Where the hell is the instructions for this thing?"

"Instructions?!" Michael rolled his eyes from where he stood fondling the plasma tv's rather large remote "Maxwell we're men! We don't need no sticking instructions!" Michael held up the remote in his hand "This thing here has an on and an off switch,up and down volume buttons and a channel changer.That's all we need to know." Michael turned back to Alex "Just how much did you have to drop for this baby,Whitman?"

"I got a great deal on it" Alex's smile got bigger "Got it for only four thousand!"

"Man I wish I had that much dough to blow on something like this.Alex you are one lucky ass." smirked Michael,who than noticed that Max had gotten his head out of the cardboard box and was slowly shaking his head "What's up with you Max? I thought you liked the TV?"

"I like it just fine." sighed Max "It's just I can't help but to think Alex might be in some serious deep shit over this."

"What?" Alex turned to give his brother in law a puzzled look "Max if you're worried about the cost of this thing don't be. I sold that computer program I created to Microsoft last year remember? I don't mean to brag or anything but I'm in no way hurting in the money department."

"Well no I'm not worried about the cost or whether or not you can handle it Alex." Max shook his head.

"Than just what's the problem here Maxwell?" asked Michael "If Whitman here says he can take the hit for this beauty than what's got you all worried?"

"The fact that when Isabel finds out he spent over four thousand dollars for this thing without talking it over with her first,she going to kill him."

"Kill him?" Michael rolled his eyes again "Now Max don't you think you might be over exaggerating a tad bit here?"

"No he's not." Alex shook his head slowly,his eyes huge and his face taking on a rather pale look "I was so happy about getting such a great deal on this thing that I didn't even think about it.But he's right when Isabel finds out I spent that much money without talking to her first,she IS going to kill me."

"Oh come on Whitman don't let Max here scare you! Be a man!" Michael slung his arm around Alex's shoulder in a 'Guys United Solidarity' way "When she gets home you just stand tall,suck it up and tell Isabel..."

"Tell Isabel what?" came a very cold voice behind the three men.

All three men jumped and turned to see Isabel standing in the entrance to the living room.Her arms were crossed and shooting the men a very serious glare.When the three men in front of her didn't answer her question,Isabel repeated herself.

"I repeat tell me what? And while you're at it would someone like to tell me why I have a freaking drive-in move screen sitting in my living room?!"

"Well uhhhhmm sweetie you see..." Alex started stammering as he, Max and Michael took a few steps to the side so they could stand behind the large cardboard box in the floor.This movement strategically placed it between them and Isabel.

"Well?" Isabel began tapping her foot impatiently at her husband.

"Well..." Alex continued to stammer and wondering when had it got so hot in here?Because he sure had started to sweat a lot "...that is...well what I mean is...I bought us a new tv hon. Surprise!"

"And just what was wrong with our old one?" Isabel asked in a very low tone.

Oh boy this is not going to be good,thought Alex because he knew and feared that tone in his wife's voice.

"Uhhh well technically there wasn't anything wrong with it per say." Alex explained sheepishly.

"So let me get this straight." Isabel's glare got worse and she pressed "Without discussing it with me,you took out our perfectly fine working TV?"

"Uhhh yeah." nodded Alex,not liking how this was going.

"And than went out and probably spent...what three thousand..."

"Actually it was a little over four." Alex interrupted and than wanted to slap himself in the head for his stupidity.

"Ohhh excuse me over four thousand dollars!" Isabel fumed "And all for a TV we didn't need seeing how there was not a damn things wrong with the old one!"

"Yeah that about sums it up." Alex nodded.

_Man he was really going to have to go check that thermostat out because it was still getting hot in here!_

Isabel turned to look at her two brothers and said in a very cold voice.

"Thank you for any help you may have gave Alex today.But I really think you guys need to head on home right about now."

Max and Michael didn't have to be told twice and were out the door in a speed that would have made an Olympic sprinter jealous!

Alex went to follow Max and Michael out the door.He was just going to tell his friends bye,thank them for their help and make sure they got off safely is all!

"Oh no not you!" Isabel said as she reached out and snagged Alex's shirt as he went to go by. Giving her husband a smile that reminded him of that shark in the movie Jaws Isabel pulled Alex closer to her "Me and you need to have a real long talk here Mr. I'm A Big Spender."

Alex hoped that the squeak that slipped out of him didn't sound too unmanly.

TBC

Michael/Maria next.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N-Ok guys I have to say I was never to thrilled with this chapter.I don't know what it is but it just never grabbed me.Ohh well I hope you guys like it.

Chapter Two

Michael was standing in front of the full length mirror,giving himself the once over.He was freshly shaven,showered and looking very good if you asked him.Taking his thumb and finger Michael pinched the front of his shirt and lifted it up to his face for a smell test.After a deep whiff he couldn't help but to grimace at what he received.

Damn Maria and her making him wear that sissy ass girly smelling cologne she picked up in the new store at the mall.

He can still remember the big fight he had with his wife when she brought all this fruity smelling crap home.

_"Look I don't really care if all a real man needs is a bar of soap,a stick of Rite Guard and a splash of Old Spice! You're going to start using this new body wash and cologne I got for you mister and that's all I'm going to say on it!"_

Michael shook his head.That fight had landed him sleeping on the sofa for almost the whole weekend!

_Well I'll just have to make damn sure to not get to close to Kyle tonight.If he were to get a good whiff he'd spend the whole night making fun of me for smelling like the fruit section of a grocery store._

Giving himself one last look over Michael headed out of the bedroom in search of his wife.He found Maria in the bathroom,face right up to the mirror,trying to put on her mascara.

"Hey baby I'm ready."

Maria turned at the waist to give him her once over inspection.With her mascara holding arm still in the up position Maria could only shake her head.

"You are not seriously thinking of wearing THAT shirt are you?"

Michael frowned and started looking back and forth between his shirt and Maria.

"What's wrong my shirt?"

"Where do I start?" Maria sighed as she dropped her mascara holding arm down to her side "First off it so does not go with those khaki pants you have on."

Michael looked down at his pants,but to be honest he still was not seeing what the big deal was here.

"And second." Maria continued "Don't you think that shirt is a little to faded?"

"Well yeah but it's my favorite shirt." explained Michael "I've had it for years.The only reason it's faded is because I've probably washed it like a thousand times."

"Well don't you think than it might be time to be getting rid of it?" Maria gave her husband that 'what are you dumb?' up shrug of the shoulders.

"Get rid of it!?" Michael almost shrieked in outrage "Why would I do that? I just told you it was one of my favorite shirts!"

"Look we'll talk about your shirt later,alright?" Maria sighed (for all you unmarried men that's female talk for 'I don't feel like arguing with you right now over this,but don't be to surprised to come home one day to find that your favorite shirt has suddenly gone missing.')

"What's up with that belt?" Maria suddenly shot out.

"What do you mean what's wrong with my belt?" Michael looked down at his belt finding nothing worng with it from this veiw point.He than began turning around at the waist trying to see behind him "Did I miss a loop or something?"

"No you didn't miss a loop.It's just...well that belt is black and you're shoes are brown." Maria pointed out the facts.

"Uhh yeah so?" Michael was getting more and more lost by this conversation.

Maria rolled her eyes "If your belt is black and your shoes are brown that means your belt and your shoes doesn't match."

"My shoes and my belt are supposed to match?" Michael's forehead shot up in that way that only confused husbands can do.

"Yes! God!" Maria shook her head in exacerbation "Lord Michael don't you know anything about fashion?"

"Well no.And to be honest I don't have too.That's why I married you." Michael grinned,but the grin quickly disappeared when he saw the glare his wife was shooting at him."Now come on pixie girl it was just a joke.No reason to be getting all upset over this."

"Look I don't have time for thie! I'm almost done here so why don't you go and sit down on the bed and wait for me!"Maria pointed her finger back toward their bedroom. "I'll be in there in a second and than I'll pick you out something that's right to wear."

"Yeah fine whatever." Michael rolled his eyes as he turned to head back down the hallway muttering under his breath the whole way "...act like I don't know how to dress myself.Was dressing myself for years before I met her.Just cause she thinks she's Little Ms. Fashion Queen she can..."

"What was that?!" came the shout from the bathroom.

"Nothing dear! Didn't say a word!" Michael yelled and quickly made his way back to the bedroom shutting the door behind him as fast as he could.

TBC

Kyle/Tess next


	3. Chapter 3

A/N-First let me say thanks to all those who have read and left feedback.All of you are great.Second let me say I'm sorry for some of the mistakes I made in the last chapter.i don't have a beta so I didn't catch the few words that were spelled wrong and the you're that should have been your...I hope you liked it and this one anyway.

So now on to my FAVORITE Roswell couple.We Kyle/Tess lovers are rare but I can't help but to love them.

Chapter Three

Tess had the spoon full of Fruit Loops halfway up to her mouth when she looked up from her bowl only to find that her husband was once again staring at her. Sighing in frustration and finally having had enough Tess dropped her spoon full of fake fruity goodness back into the bowl,splashing milk onto the table.

"Damn it Kyle would you quit staring at me like that!"

From his seat at their kitchen table Kyle could only shake his head as if in a daze and continued to stare at his wife...or more actually at his wife's chest.

"I can't help it." Kyle spoke his voice full of child like wonder "I mean this is so cool. They're like...they're like...bigger!"

"They're bigger..." Tess narrowed her eyes in a hard glare "...because I'm two months pregnant with our first child! It's a normal biological function for a pregnant woman's breast to start getting bigger in her second month!"

"That is so cool." Kyle repeated his earlier words and than slid his chair closer to Tess without once taking his eyes of her chest "It's like...you got a boob job...without getting a boob job."

As he continued to move his chair closer Kyle's hand began to ease it's way toward Tess's breast,his index finger out in a poking fashion. Kyle looked back up at Tess,with a hopeful look spread all over his face.

"Can I touch' em?"

"NO you can't touch them!" Tess scooted her chair away from Kyle while slapping his poking hand away from her chest.

"Why not?"

"Because another factor of them getting bigger is the fact that they get sorer.Which means NO touching." explained Tess "And besides It was your poking that got me in this shape to begin with mister! So keep that finger...and any other poking appendages you might have away from me you hear?"

Watching as her husband nodded and slowly moved his finger away from her Tess sighed as she scooted her chair back to the table and started getting back to eating her breakfest.She had just got her spoon full of Fruit Loops into her mouth and began chewing when Kyle asked his next question.

"Are you horny?"

**Cough**

**Gasp**

Tess did her best to cough up the few fruit loops she had started chocking on,before looking up at her husband.

"WHAT?!"

"Well I heard once that when a woman gets pregnant she turns into a complete horn dog. Something to do with hormones running amok I think?" explained Kyle "So are you? Horny I mean."

"NO I am NOT horny!" yelled Tess "What I am is hungry! Which is why I'm trying to have my breakfast right now!"

"So what you're saying is that you're not having any over powering urges to throw me down on this table and jump my bones?" Kyle asked in disappointment.

"Only if you mean to break said bones." Tess glared over her cereal bowl.

"Hey there's no need too be going and getting mad now." Kyle protested while holding his hands up,palms out toward Tess,in an 'lets all just settle down fashion' "Arne't you the one that keeps saying that I need to learn how to communicate with you more?"

"I meant about your feelings! Not whether or not my breast are bigger or have I turned into a horn dog!"

Kyle was a little shocked by his wife's outburst due to his innocent questioning.And just like millions of married men before him Kyle was about to put his foot straight smack in his mouth and stick it deep.

"Gees somebody's moody and grouchy this morning. But I KNOW it can't be because of PMS."

Due to her raging hormones and her hybrid human/alien heritage Tess didn't know whether to stomp out of the room crying or get angry and kill her husband with her death ray eyes.So in the end she compromised.

She stomped angrily out of the room!

And as before just like a million married men before him Kyle was clueless as why his wife was upset and said the exact same thing all married men say when they don't know why their wife is mad at them.

"What?! What I'd say?! Come back here!"

TBC...maybe... like I said I have a hard time writting Max/Liz but will see.


End file.
